Remember John

I didn’t have to blow up balloons or put the birthday banners up during the night.  There were no presents waiting to be unwrapped.  There was no birthday cake sitting in the fridge.  Instead I lit a single white candle when I awoke to mark my husband’s birthday.  John used to love the surprises I arranged for him and I miss seeing that joyful look upon his face.  I miss the children and I singing Happy Birthday to him and I even miss clearing up all the mess created by the mounds of wrapping paper and bows.

Am I silly to remember this day?

Some think I am, and say that I should move on with my life, but these people have never been a wife.

What would they know about how me and our children feel?  At times to us it still feels unreal.

You see we never got to say goodbye and we all try so hard not to cry.

I really don’t care what people think or say because this will always be my John’s special day.

Happy Birthday John – Loving husband to Nicki and loving father to James and Phoenix.


Posted on November 20, 2012, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. (((hugs))) ❤ xx

  2. I can’t pretend I know what you’re going through. I wish you and your children all the best! And remembering is a good thing: It makes us who we are.

  3. My new friend Nicola, I feel your pain and I share empathy with your grief at the loss of a husband. For me 29th Nov will be one year and the feelings are just as raw as if it was yesterday. We were married 32 years and for that period 31 he was ill and the last 8 years I nursed him here in Spain and 24/7 for the last 4 years . I don’t miss the nursing, but god damn it! I miss the man more than I ever thought I would. I always knew the score, everyday was a bonus, everyday was on borrowed time. He was 8 years my senior but 65 he’d just turned and then snatched from me. They kept telling me to ‘prepare myself’ – How do you do that?
    But grief is wretched and personal. those little triggers hit you out of the blue like a flying saucepan in the happiest of moments and boom, it is is full face on. So please feel free to email me and if you need to talk I am here. Sending you a virtual hug and and may the angels wrap their arms around you and your children. Remember he walks with you everyday and is smiling down on you watching over your every activity. That is the way I get through the day.

    I hope this help. You are not alone.

  4. Nicola, never ever let anyone tell you not to remember this day.

    My god your friend above’s story is so almost mine it hurt to read it. Your tribute is beautiful and my thoughts were with you and your family yesterday. I have some tough time rolling up on me and I am in the valley of the ghosts right now but with friends such as you for support I will come through.

    Clearly I am not alone and neither are you or your friend. Be strong but never so strong you can’t cry. To be alone hurts however and whatever the final taking of a loved one.

    Give your lovely kids and yourself a hug from a virtual friend. Gill xxx

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