Monthly Archives: January 2013
As most of you know, the last sixteen months have been, at times, a living hell for me and my two wonderful children, James and Phoenix, due to the unforeseen death of my husband, John. At times, even I questioned how I was going to steer us through, but with perseverance and patience, we finally seem to be getting there.
This festive season, I learned a lot about myself and how much I have to give in every way imaginable. Finally, after months of struggling financially and emotionally, I am finally pulling our lives around and I am proud of what I have achieved. Of course we have shared happy moments since we lost John, but during these moments, the guilt factor descended upon us, and washed away the smiles. This festive season, the three of us have laughed and smiled again and we don’t feel guilty. The best Christmas presents I received this year were the smiles on my children’s faces and hearing their laughter again.
We don’t normally do anything on New Year’s Eve, but this year we went out and, wait, we had FUN. I danced for hours, something I really thought I’d never do again. Just after midnight, I looked up at the star filled sky and I know that I have John’s blessing to be happy again, so that is what the three of us are going to do. It is time for myself, James and Phoenix to live again!
We are looking at all the things that we do have and despite our enormous loss and the difficulties we have encountered, there are still many people that are less fortunate than us. For a start, my children and I have each other. This combination alone will bring unlimited positive results to us.
This year, like many of you, I have set myself some goals. By sharing them with you, it will give me more determination to achieve them, so here they are.
A) Writing Goals
Complete my 2012 NaNo novel, A Few Bad Boys, and get it published.
Up-date my blog regularly.
Be consistent with my writing course.
Write a children’s book about grief and dealing with trauma.
Get a few articles published.
Write a few songs and poems.
Write a spiritual based short story.
Depending where I choose to end ‘A Few Bad Boys’ there may be a sequel, which I will probably use NaNo 2013 to begin.
B) Personal Goals
For me and my children to be happy.
Get fit – I have already purchased the tracksuit and trainers, so I’m half way there!
Spend more time with my children practicing the keyboard and guitar.
Continue to encourage and support James and Phoenix to reach their dreams.
Continue to believe in myself and project positivity around me.
Spend more quality time with my family and friends.
Find time to paint.
Inspire and help others.
Well, this should keep me busy for a while. I really should have included moving house and resolving my transport situation, so I guess I will have to do these two small matters in my spare time.
There are a couple of other writing projects, including ghost writing, on the drawing board at the moment, but since these involve other people, I will just have to see how they progress.
James, with my guidance, will be making some important decisions about his life and what he wants. Whichever path he chooses, I want him to succeed and he will have my full support. After his father died, he lost direction but now, together, we are finding it again.
Phoenix will be happy as long as she can go horse-riding which she loves with the same passion that I had many years ago. After her dad died, sadly this was one of the many sacrifices we had to make. Never once did she complain and I am so pleased that I am now in a position where she is back in the saddle and coming on in leaps and bounds. Phoenix really is a natural.
Many people thought we would return to England after John died because of the support available but that thought never entered our heads. I don’t want my children being brought up believing that it is correct just to sit back and do nothing and receive benefits. Spain is our home, we moved here when James was very young and Phoenix was born here. I am glad that I didn’t listen to those who thought that we should choose the easy option and return to England. Today, I am sitting outside writing this, looking at the blue sky and the Mediterranean Sea. Who in their right mind would give this up without a fight? I am glad my children and I took this fight on board and I am glad that we won!
I hope in years to come my children will reflect on how I, their mother, through strength, determination and hard work managed to keep a roof over our heads, food on the table, clothes on our backs, revive our dreams and re-build our lives. Every experience in life is a lesson and the most important thing is to use it and grow from it.
I am looking forward to sharing the next phase of our journey with you all. I am excited and feeling very positive about our future and can’t wait to announce what we achieve this year.
This is our year to live again and that is exactly what we are going to do.
Until next time, stay positive and focused everyone!